i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
