just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
