you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
