he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
