I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
