i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
