Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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