I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
