she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The struggles of a small town man whore
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
