And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
