Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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