And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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