Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
