you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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