So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
