youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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