you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
