I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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