I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
