I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
