I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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