last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
