He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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