my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
