I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
