Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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