nut hugger
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
