if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
