Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize