First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
