No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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