even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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