there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
