My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Randomize
