My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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