To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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