take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
