Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
