If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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