I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
