I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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