Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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