If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
