somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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