Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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