Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
