anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want to make out with him forever
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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