I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
