It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
