Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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