The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
