The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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