How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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