Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
