i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize
