and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
