He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
