So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
