i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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