I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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