I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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