I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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