im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize