i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This baby is an asshole
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
