I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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