u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize