it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
