i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
