oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
