so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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