This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
