So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
