Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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