brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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