So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
