i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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