Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
