last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
