The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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