clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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