Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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