i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
