she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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