He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize