just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
