all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
